Deep in thought

They told me...

2010-10-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

They told me I would get over it,
They told me I would forget.
They told me it would go away,
The pain wasn't here to stay.

I have been apart,
Longer than together,
Not made any difference of any sort.

They didn't tell me I would think of him..
Often, once everyday unbidden...
That all memories go down in indelible ink...
That it hurts forever, more than you think!

24th September- Sleepy!

2010-10-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

I dunno..who made this clear to me at the outset.. Had no idea this was gonna be so tiring... This day was an exhausting one, overflowing with highlights

Well... for starters I am still recovering from all the birthday bashing I got...10 points to me for not having slept in class..In fact full marks for wrangling praise from one of the toughest marketing profs eva...

After almost 3 yrs.. A prof explodes in the middle of class...We have seen understated disappointment, even sarcasm and humour.. But nothing like this. This guy works the room.. One day he's going to throw me out of class for not having "internalised the case"... and for snoring...:)

Came back to a truckload of mailing work from my club..had to wait for approval frm a club secy.. got it jus in time to send off half of it.. urgently call the PoC and ask to finish it up.. and then sprint to a workshop.. And come out of it to no food.. and then dinner was paneer and lemon rice!! really- dont get the thought process.. Was back to club work and meetings.. Got blasted for some awful grammatical and factual errors someone else made...

Was supposed to work on my resume.. Decided to sleep for exactly 25 min.. I didnt knoe wat happened after my head hit the pillow.. profuse apologies happened.. need a whiteboard.. so i dont waste someone else's time..

I neva get to talk...So I'll write to you everyday.. abt all the small lil stuff... if sleep plays an important part.. well..:)

Why are you always so mean to me..:(

2010-10-05T11:58:00.001-07:00

I hate it when u say it doesn't matter,
When it does to me,
I hate it when u dont care..
When it comes to me..

I hate it when u dont reply...
When I need u the most..
I hate it when u wont give up...
When u know its hurting me...

I hate it when u never take my side..
When all I need is sympathy..
I hate it when u think its ok to manipulate me...
Just so u can get ur way...

I hate it when u say i dont mean a thing..
When I know it already..
I hate it when I love you so much..
When I know that you dont..and never will..

Thoughts..

2010-05-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

Before sleep takes over,
A face appears.
Most beloved.
Grown familiar and dear.

As my eyes open,
Thoughts unbidden,
Wander to his side.

Not a minute goes by.
Despite all I try.
When I don't miss him.

When he laughs
With me..
When he called me romantic..
Or plain Silly..

When he was sick..
When he was cranky.
When he thinks I am pretty
When he hates every thing about me.

When he pushed me away
And drew me back.
When to each other..
We had nothing to say.

I would have loved to hate you..
But somehow I don't.
All I do is love you..
Forever and ever more..

Hmmm..

2010-04-30T06:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I had my feet on the ground,
Its only when you came around.
That I knew it was in the clouds,
Nine to be precise

Off my feet u swept,
Ages after we met.
We waited too long..

Forever like lasted a month..
When rosy was the horizon..
With laughter and high spirits

I dreamed of a pretty house...
Books and footsteps of friends..
And a pug.. cos u wanted one

Well then soon enough we were done...
It was my fault.. I pushed..
So hard u had to run..

I am off my rocker, u think..
Obsessed and crazy..
You are right..
Temperamental and delirious..
With joy and sorrow..

Friends we cant be,
Cos they are cliches..
And we wouldn't want to be out of date..

A rollercoaster its been...
More ends than beginnings..
But it was meant to be..
It isnt you.. its just me..

U wanted to be my muse..
Long ago when we were still happy..
I was amused..
I hoped it wouldnt come to that..
Cos I write when i feel unhappy..

So here it is jus for you..
Not my best one...
U were my best friend..
Pardon the cliche..
And we can't have the best everything.,,

Blogger s Block

2009-02-06T13:35:00.001-08:00

I wake up one day,
I seem to have nothing to say.
I try to think a while,
But that's not quite my style.
I open the page,
Hoping I snap outta my daze.
Will I ever write again?
If not,that could be a pain.
Write I must,
Cant let that go to rust.
But about what,
I can't remember a lot.
Maybe the first few alphabets,
Will make the rest easier to get.

Life..

2008-08-29T13:10:00.001-07:00

I dont know

2008-08-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

I lie awake through the night,
Wondering how when all seemed right-
Something went so terribly wrong,
So sudden, after a time so long.

Life isnt beautiful anymore,
Whoever said that was lying,
But then again u cant buy that,
Especially wen u r crying.

Some part seems lost,
Dead and gone forever.
Days crawl by inch by inch,
Nothin seems happy, not ever.

Well there are no eternal bonds,
So it was bound to break.
Better an honest rift.
Than a relationship fake.

A cloak difficult to take off
That s whats sorrow,
Its difficult alone for today,
Never mind tomorrow.

Sleep has deserted my pillow..
I have grown quite and mellow..
Dreams hold no charm anymore,
The whole world seems a bore..

I wanna run away,
Crawl into a hole,
Close it behind me.

Crossroads

2008-06-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

I once at crossroads stood,
Didnt know go where i should..
Everything seemed dull and dry,
To keep things going i didnt wanna try.
Couldnt settle for less than what i deserved,
But was I letting go of wat would
For a lifetime stay unswerved.
I was thinking it was all going to end,
It was beyond any mend.
Then came serendipity and circumstance,
And then we went out to dance.
We stood in a circle waiting to learn.
I realised then I just couldnt,
Wait for my turn.
It was too long before we were face to face,
It was only then everything seemed in place.
Magic seemed to be in the air,
We seemed to be in the clouds without a care.
As we stood there matching steps,
Laughing at wrong turns and twirls.
I realised that this is wat I wanted for keeps,
And to have found out I was really a lucky girl.

Tennyson and Elizabeth Barrett Browning dont turn in ur grave..

2008-02-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Thou asketh a question,
If I ought live without you,
I think once about thee,
And I know i cannot.

Thou art like the morning sunshine,
Nay, thou art pleasanter..
Thou art like the evening moonshine,
Nay thou art not cold..

I see thine semblance,
Everywhere, in everything,
In the smiles of babies,
In the sea, in the sky..

For what i feel for thou,
Is just as limitless,
Boundless...
Without end..

Distance makes not
A difference,
For when thou are not,
My belovedest,
I am alone though by ur side..
And whence thou art..
That is..
My most truly beloved,
I am never alone though..
Though far apart..

Woes of a Pragyan girlfriend

2008-02-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

Why it is the biggest mistake of your lifetime to go out with a member of the website development team of one of the most spectacular technical festivals in India..

Springtime is here- a season of new beginnings, love, laughter and happiness. A great situation for budding relationships you may think. But will the blossom stand the frost of the web team lab of NIT Trichy. I can assure you that it is a trial by fire.

This doesn't happen only to nerd types or programming fanatics, it can happen to anyone.. cos that s the kind of single minded devotion that Pragyan demands from all those who work for it.

The guy I am dating is normal, that is, as far as guys g.. which isn't saying too much..:) but he seems to have gotten stuck in a sorta time warp.. with selective memory loss..
Imagine our stone age ancestors.. the times when shaving razors and bath soaps were out of fashion. Waiting in front of the campus main block for a couple of minutes can magically transport you back.. No prizes for guessing what my boy friend's selective amnesia includes..
For starters.. FOOD, HYGIENE, SLEEP and also most importantly ME..

A day in my life would illustrate this better..

7:30 am Respective Hostels
ME: "Hey!! GET UP.. u r gonna be late.. 8:30 class.. anyway when did u sleep yesterday"
HIM:" I dunno.. three.. four.. " SILENCE
ME: " GET UP.. Don t go back to sleep"
HIM:"Watever...Yawwnn"

8:30 am Class
ME: (SMS) " u get here now.. u cant bunk more than four classes"
HIM.. no reply.. dashes in when teacher is about to lock the door"

12:10 pm
ME: "Lunch??"
HIM: " Oh.. sorry I have a meeting at one.. very important.. how about dinner... say sevenish, canteen?"
ME:"K.."

7:15 pm Canteen
Me:(Thinking)" I 'll wait a while and then call"
7:30pm
Me: (Calling)
His phone:"Error in network connection"," number busy"
7:45 pm
Me: (SMS) U plan on coming or no..
try again to call
Finally.." The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off"
8:15 pm
HIM :"I am really sorry. Didnt mean to.. i was giving ppl work.. then jus wen i was coming out i met X.. I had to talk to him.. "
Phone rings..
HIM(on the phone):"Yeah tell me.. blaaah blaah blaah.."
Finally five minutes of peace.. we eat in silence.. then suddenly
HIM:"Server ke liye kuch karna padega"
Me:(THINKING) " Can he pls stop thinking abt work for a while.."

10:00 pm
ON phone
HIM: "I am busy.. can i call u later??"
Me:"cool"
12:00 am
DITTO
1:00 am
ME:" U better sleep if you want to attend class tomorrow.."
4:00 am
HIM:" I am going to sleep now.."
ME:"HMMM.." doze off and put the phone dowm..

and another brand new day with the same old routine begins..

Well all relationships need a trial; we are serving our internships now.. And maybe it s all for a reason:)

untitled

2006-12-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time two people went to college together.. ok.. that is possibly the worst way to begin a story. But they did and what follows is their story. She was a tough cookie, pulled a lot of attitude, made a lot of noise. She believed in herself and all she thought very firmly and she would give anyone else with any other ideas a run for their money.

Prakriti talked nineteen to a dozen and left you breathless searching for an answer. As long as she liked you, she would go to hell and back for you. But if she didn ‘t , then God help you! You ought to be on the run!

Abhay was a very different sort of guy- sometimes people thought to the extent of being abnormal. You could call him a confirmed workaholic. His first and last love was work. If you told him to sit still for a couple of minutes not doing anything, he would probably start fidgeting. To him work was as natural as breathing. Always in demand! A top student, always at work on some new project or the other and what’s more enjoying it!

Prakriti loved having fun just as much as Abhay liked to work and her professors possibly didn‘t know she existed except for the wrong reasons. But this didn’t mean that they didn’t have other radically different sides to their characters. The frivolous fun loving Prakriti could also work all day and night to get something she really wanted and he could party as hard as anyone else when he wanted to.

He was her senior by a year and yet they never met for a long, long time. In fact each didn’t know the other existed. Then one fine day like all others, they met. Sorry for the anticlimax.. But nothing happened. No bells tolled, sparks didn’t fly. They met with a huge bunch of other people for official purposes and hardly spoke a couple of sentences to each other, blissfully unaware of what was to come.

A year passed! A couple of smiles, a hi here, a bye there, that was about all! Then they met again- this time just the two of them (Knowing Abhay, obviously about work!).
They got talking and found that they were very comfortable with each other. This chance meeting was the start of a really wonderful friendship. The meeting gave way to messages, messages to phone calls(only when Abhay wasn’t busy) and before they knew it they were the best of friends.

Prakriti had always been the practical sort, the no- nonsense type. Boys to her were good comrades, nothing more, nothing less. But with Abhay, she was different. She was herself, softer and quieter, but still uninhibited and she liked it.

Days passed and Prakriti found herself thinking more and more about Abhay each passing day. And then realization struck, ironically when she found herself in an extremely awkward position. She was upset, angry and sad. She had had to listen to some ‘sentimental bosh’ as she called it from one of her friends who professed to be in love with her. She was pretty much in the doldrums as being a patient listener took a lot of willpower.

As had become usual with her whenever troubled, she called Abhay and not knowing why she ended up telling him what exactly she thought of him. That she realized that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him! That the thought of not talking to him, listening to his voice everyday wasn’t in the least bit acceptable. Abhay was understandably stunned, shocked and pleasantly surprised, all at the same time.
But being the practical chap he was he decided to think about it before he said anything. Sundry discussions later, he dropped the bombshell. He wasn’t ready now! He was saying a “no”.

Prakriti should have been angry or upset. But she was neither and nothing seemed to have changed. She was still happy, not uncomfortable talking to Abhay. She didn’t even blame him for whatever had happened. Because she knew no matter what, he was one special guy whose friendship was more important to her than anything else.
Abhay told her he liked her and any thoughts about a serious relationship would concern her. But she had her own doubts.

They were both nice people who should have probably ended up together,but did not.
Abhay still liked her for the brave girl she was and she still loved him for the straightforward guy that he was. But Prakriti knew that she would never get over Abhay no matter what she said. She would never forget!

She often thought, what quirk of fate made them meet and talk that day? Why did she
like him? So many coincidences, so many unanswered questions! Would they have been happier if they had never met? Would the loss of that one love have mattered so much? But she knew that she would much rather have loved and lost than not have loved at all.

So what happened next, did Abhay realize what Prakriti felt for him? Did her love stand the test of time? Did they find happiness together or did this relationship like some of the greatest love stories continue with being the best of friends? Truth is Prakriti still waits and hopes. So dear reader, wish her luck and wait with her!

sayin sorry

2006-12-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

If sayin sorry would
Make things alright,
I dont mind sayin it
All day and all night.

Tell me what to do,
To make it up to u.
For all the mistakes
I have made along the way.

How to take away the hurt,
To put the pieces back together.
If there is anything at all,
That can make things any better..

See if u can forgive me,
For the nights spent arguing,
For the problems i brought to u,
For disturbing ur peace of mind.
For wishin for things that can't be

See if u can forgive me,
The things i said without thinkin,
The troubles i dragged u thru,
The confusion i caused u,
The foolishness of givin
Up a great friend.

See if u can be my
best friend ever?????

questions and answers

2006-12-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when someone asks u a question,
And u give them an answer.
Sometimes its not that simple at all,
And u realize there is much more that
Isnt all that obvious..
But when u look deep inside
And find urself
U know exactly what u want..
To forever share that special friendship,
To remain the best pals of all times.
To share love and respect,
To take strength from each other.
To never mar what exists
By cold words and quick temper,
To never hold a grudge
But be the first to say sorry.
To enjoy the present,
To remember only
The good times in the past.
To have fun and never regret
What could have been..
To protect and care for,
Yet not wish to possess.
To be always there,
And yet let go when needed.
To trust implicitly
And be worthy of it too.
To be happy for each other,
Despite what troubles come ur way.
To have someone to turn to
When u waver in ur path.
To have a shoulder to cry on,
When things dont go ur way.
All of this for a lifetime,
Maybe askin for too much.
But all this and more was
What we had.
Sorry for throwin it all away,
Behavin as i shldn't hav.
Sorry, really,very.
I think it would be selfish,
But i'll ask anyway.
Can we pretend nothin happened,
Remember the best times in the past.
And i promise to be nothin more
Than the friend u were lookin for.
Never to bring u trouble,
Nor bother nor worry..
To never pick up
A silly quarrel..
And never make u angry..
To never repeat those words
Which changed things for us.
Will u be my best friend again??
Maybe u will..
In that case Thank u..
Else if not, Thank u..
for bein what u were
To me all these days..